It's been awhile since my last post...We've been a little busy since our niece moved in around August 2007 and just moved out around September 2008. Since then we've been helping another family member with their move to our area, watching their kids and such. It's been quite a learning experience for sure!
It's funny because I've been too busy to really go to my women's Bible studies like I used to, and I had to drop the music ministry (singing in the worship team) at church due to having to take my niece back and forth to work and my lack of decent babysitters! I haven't been able to work on any major projects I've had brewing in my head (dance ministry for the youth at church, continuing to write and record my music) and YET...I feel even closer to God than I have in a long time, closer than I did when I was trying at one point to "DO" & "achieve" all those things! I think because I've solely had to rely on the fact that He loves me!! Plain and simple...not because of what I "do" but just because of who He IS!
As I've felt that I fall so short in the "doing" and the volunteering for this and that these days, I came to realize that much of my expectations of God were based on what I did or didn't do! I was down on myself that I just couldn't do it all and found myself praying one day and as I went to request something of God I was at the same time saying to myself, "Well I haven't even done my devotions today or I wasn't the best mom yesterday so why would He give me this thing which I ask for..." After a few days of these "woe is me" thoughts like... "I haven't spent enough time with my kids, I haven't been as good with our finances as I should, I haven't always been faithful with the gifts He's given me." Finally a better thought went thru my head...what happened to GRACE!!! When did I take God's GRACE out of the picture! To me His acceptance, love, blessings somehow depended on what I was DOING! In other words I had made it all about ME. But that's not what God's word says & I knew that, but how quickly we can lose sight! Oh he loves when we can DO! But He also understands when we can't, and He wants our heart more than our actions!
Sometimes the hardest thing for us to "DO", is to accept grace...knowing that He smiles upon us just because of who we are, because he's pleased with what He created, however imperfect and flawed...we wouldn't need Him if we weren't! These days I've chosen to just rest in His grace, to do what I can when I can...and if I fail, if I fall short (and I will)...to accept His mercy, His forgiveness and with joy and hope take on the new day ahead to try again! There has been so much freedom and joy in just this!
Take a minute to reflect on this verse and His Love and compassion for even you...Psalm 103:8-14
The LORD is compassionate and gracious, slow to anger, abounding in love. He will not always accuse, nor will he harbor his anger forever; he does not treat us as our sins deserve or repay us according to our iniquities. For as high as the heavens are above the earth, so great is his love for those who fear him; as far as the east is from the west, so far has he removed our transgressions from us. As a father has compassion on his children, so the LORD has compassion on those who fear him; for he knows how we are formed, he remembers that we are dust.
I Love that!!! I write music and sing as well...One of those things I'd love to "DO" something with one day...but for now I have my home made videos (kind of embarrassing) on youtube! Here's one of my songs that goes with this particular thing I'm talking about if you're interested!
While viewing it, If you click on the little blue words "more info" under my user name "sammaj5" it will display the words for you. I have a basic camera and so it picks up the piano better than my voice, workin' with what I've got!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RL-NVSTk_SI
Have a BLESSED day everyone! Just because of who HE IS! :0)
