Have you ever lived in a small town or noticed that some people seem to never be able to make it out of that town as much as they said they wanted to. Not the towns with big cities surrounding them, but the one tucked in the middle of nowhere, with little opportunities. Do you notice how some just never leave, generation after generation, for some it’s great. But there are those that come from very dis-functional families as well and it would benefit them to move on. From the outside looking in we want to say, “just leave” but sometimes it’s not that easy I guess. I’m not saying anything is wrong with small towns, but it’s just the picture I got when I was thinking of this song I wrote. On this journey called life, I’ve found myself in a small town of sorts for awhile and didn’t even realize I was stuck really. The voices that surrounded me became familiar and I’d found a way to cope that was doable. I found my way here thru various trials in life, thru hurts, thru circumstances, thru some joys. And though it’s not the town I started in, I’ve come a long way, it’s also not a town I’m meant to stay in forever.
I’d been trying to figure out what was keeping me in this town for awhile. I’d look at others whose towns seemed to be full of lots of people, lots of companionship, and love and I wasn’t sure if it was them or me that had issues. I knew I’d really built some walls around myself here…I’d become comfortable. I knew I’d made it a little lonely, to where people really couldn’t reach me, and therefore, I couldn’t reach people. Part of this is my personality, I’ve never minded being alone, I don’t make close friends easily, so it can be hard to distinguish what is just your personality & when you’ve begun to maybe purposely keep people at a distance.
At our church we had a guest speaker, Roy Brewer come for 4 nights, speaking on families. Two nights were about ways we resolve conflict, those were the nights I thought I didn’t need to be there…and yet those were the only 2 nights I was able to be there, of course! I hadn’t been able to put a word to what I’d created for myself besides that I knew I had some walls up until he said the word withdrawl…These people deal with conflict by walking away, if not physically, psychologically…insulating ones self, so that what’s said or suggested has no penetrating power. These are often people who’ve been hurt over and over and no longer trust. They see conflict as hopeless and if you can’t control it, it’s easier to not care. These people are dying inside.
Somewhere I’d adopted the philosophy of, “if you don’t give love, you don’t have to feel foolish when you don’t receive love back”. If you don’t let people get too close, then they can’t hurt you. If you take what they say with a grain of salt, then they don’t disappoint you. But this can be a very lonely place. And this isn’t a place God would want for us to be. Although I had plenty of reason to have found myself here…I had even more reason to break these walls down & trust the unknown to an all knowing, loving, almighty God.
I’d become comfortable with the voices that told me this is just my lot in life, this is just who you are, you’re not good enough for that ministry or that dream, you’re family isn’t Godly enough to be used in that way. If you let people get too close they’ll see all you’re flaws. This is just where you will be now because of the choices you made. Make your life here. But then I’m reminded of John 10:10 "The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I came that they (K)may have life, and have it abundantly.
And so I think I’ve finally grown tired of this place…I’m packing my bags, I’m standing on one of the 2 roads out of this small town, and I’m not looking back. I’m ready to learn to love like I’ve never been hurt, and let others love me. To be who God made me to be, no matter what others think. To dream like dreams come true. I may only get a mile down the road at a time, but I can’t wait to see where we’re going. I’ll need your help. And as always, I like to think that when God gives me a song or an idea…not only are the words and the lesson meant for me but hopefully someone else as well…maybe you’re stuck in a small town in your journey…a town of doubt? Fear? Hopelessness? Past Hurts? A town of un-forgiveness? Of Anger? A town of Regrets? It may be time to really assess what brought you there, to lay it all at His feet and leave it all behind. To find the first road out and into the promising, fulfilling life of freedom from the past that God meant for you to have!
(the song I wrote is not recorded as of yet...but here are the words, although it's just not the same!)
Dare to Dream
Verse 1
In the secret place I found you, And I dared to enter in
With such beauty that surrounds you, And I stand here…drenched in sin
Yet you light up at the sight of me, And you take me by the hand
And you ask…if I could just believe, In a grace enough to free this man…From what I think I am
Chorus
Dare to have some faith in me, Dare to feel the love you see
Dare to hope for bigger things, What you are is what I need
Dare to live forgiven, To live a life worth living
Dare to not believe the lies, Dare to choose my sacrifice
Dare to dream…my dream for you
Verse 2
Don’t be afraid to love those who’ve hurt you, You can know I won’t desert you
I know your journey’s had it’s share of risk, But you were made for such a time as this
It’s time to take what’s yours and don’t look back, Time to silence all those doubts you had
Cause you were made for me and I was made for you
And I’ve been waiting for the day…to make your dreams come true.
Repeat Chorus
